Her eyes all a glitter, I knew I was screwed. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to let her know that I actually knew something about Tiffany?
With her birthday rapidly approaching, I now knew that there was no way I could give her anything less than that damn little blue box. Why, why, why couldn't I keep my thoughts to myself?!
A guy's guide to shopping at Tiffany:
1) This is the toughest part... pay attention to what your wife, girlfriend, or mistress has to say. They actually drop these things called "hints". "Hints" are phrases that indicate things she wants. I know, who would have guessed it?
2) With "hint" in hand go to http://tiffany.com, find the item she is hinting about... memorize it, or better yet write it down on a piece of paper.
3) Go to Tiffany with your piece of paper. You will be greeted by numerous staff that will try you to disarm you into spending your life savings by saying disarming things like "hello" and "how are you today?". Listen to them at your own peril.
4) Look at your piece of paper and say the words written down... "Elsa Peretti necklace with the beanie thingy on it" you murmur, with your hands shaking...
5) They will nicely tell you Elsa Peretti is on the second floor (If your item is on the first floor, you have my condolences). Upon seeing your deer in the headlights look, they will gently point you towards the stairs.
6) When you get to the second floor you will again be greeted by more staff, "Elsa Peretti necklace with the beanie thingy on it" you yell, your voice raising in pitch.
"Individual or continuous?" the clerk asks... "ELSA PERETTI NECKLACE WITH THE BEANIE THINGY ON IT" you scream, the sweat visibly running down your face...
7) Several minutes later they will show you to the door with your precious little blue box in hand.
8) Find a nearby bar, you have earned it.